Last post of the year

I’ve picked my last pimple, shaped my last brow, waxed my last butt crack… of 2009. Taken my last shower, slept in the last time, had Apple Cinnamon Cheerios for the last time… in 2009. Hey! That rhymed.

As usual, the last 30 days of the month flew by. My uncle Ricky told me once, when I was but a wee small child and I complained that summer had gone by too fast, “Enjoy it while you can, it only goes faster the older you get”. So true, so true. Uncle Ricky shared several pearls of personal wisdom that have stayed with me over the years. Most aren’t fit for printing here, including the one on how to tell if you were in love. But I have remembered them, and no few have turned out to be true. RIP Uncle Ricky.

This time of the year is always a reflective time for me. Thinking about how the year went, how I want the next year to go. Mistakes I have made, mistakes I could maybe avoid next year, successes I have had and could maybe duplicate for next year. Some simple things I have grown to really appreciate. Scented liquid hand soap is on that list for this year. I know I should be buying the cheap stuff. but I wash my hands so much, and I get such a good feeling when I smell the Nature’s Gate Orange Blossom soap, or Dermalogicas Body Conditioning Wash that I use as hand soap at the spa, or the new one I just got that smells like lemon creme cookies from childhood. The last one is so fabulous… it smells like summer and youth and lemonade stands or tree forts and a lazy afternoon. Sunlight spilling in a window, dust motes dancing… love it.

The sublime satisfaction of a clean desk. That is a glorious thing. The soft rattling of the fireplace fan, the shift of burning wood. Taking a walk on the River Trail in perfect weather. Quiet. The reliability of Manny curling up next to me on the couch, purring and demanding, with his wet nose and great warmth.

I managed to sell a few pieces of glass this year, which is super-duper. Today I mailed off Buddha & Lotus, a late Xmas present for someone in Seattle, WA.

I ended the year with this happy fella:

Whipped this guy out in 5 hours as a last minute xmas present for a co-worker to give to her sister. Then their car broke down on the way out of town, and he never made it. Maybe for her birthday.

I did the turtle too. Still love that one.

Mailed off the paperwork and check for the trial loan modification. We’ll see how that ends up working out. Ordered new banners to replace the banners stolen at my spa. What someone would want with them, I have no clue. This time I am going to stretch them over plywood, and bolt them to the railing, instead of just using bungee cords. Someone will have to go to much more work to remove them.

There is a disturbing profusion of beggars showing up here in Redding. I know it is completely uncharitable but I wish they wouldn’t stand there. It seems as though every median, shopping center entrance/exit, fast food joint and post office has a forlorn looking person sitting out front, with a sign, asking for help. Most of my them I can harden my heart too. They have a certain hard look to them, or like they are poor actors, playing at being beggars. Times are tough for me too and I work hard for what I earn. Once in a while, though, one of them gets under my skin and I give in and donate.

Pulling out of Jack in the Box, on the way home from the Sac airport, coming back from LA, I stopped to unwrap my unhealthy, but nonetheless delicious, treat. Ahead was a small person coming out of the dumpster. It had a blanket wrapped around it. As I watched, another figure slipped out of the enclosure. I tried to speed up my food prep so I could get away, but alas, it was not to be. The two people materialized a few feet away, two young girls, one waif-like with huge dark eyes, the other a bit plumper and little mischevious looking, in a good way. Impish. Maybe it was the bright purple hair. They didn’t say a word. Neither did the puppy peeking out from inside the tightly wrapped blanket. <sigh> sucker. I took them inside and bought them what they wanted, plus two burgers for the dog. I was impressed that they only wanted water, not sodas. The girl at the counter gave them a bowl for water for the dog. I gave them a $20 as I left, and wished them safe on their way.

The devastated-looking young man at the post office is weighing on my mind as I type this. Big, sad eyes. There is something about the eyes that gets to me. Like they have seen way more than they should have at such a young age.

Had many people come to my aid this year, when I really needed it. Whether moral support, or ferreting out information or a contact, or just listening, I was blessed with a great support system when I really needed it. Thank your for all the positive energy sent my way.

And thank you to my LA gang, for continuing to book appointments and share your lives with me. To my hosts in LA, thank you for the loan of your spare bedrooms, your hidabeds, inflatible mattresses, washer/dryer, your car and your kitties. Thanks for the companionship, wine and TV.

Jelly beans are good too. Just found some.

Oh sugar!! I must give you up, and cigarettes too, in the coming year. I have somehow managed to stay the same weight over the past three years, despite my deplorable diet. But. I need to whittle it down some. And the smoking. So bad. Must. Stop. Thats all I have to say about it.

Looking forward to Portland in a week. I should probably do a little background research. Or I could be lazy and not do it, and let Heather and Dave ejamacate me. Hm, that sounds good.

Caught up on some movies over the last week. Here is my grading of them:

Terminator:Salvation= total crap. don’t bother.

Wolverine= I liked it a lot.

Up= cute, but not sensational. (rata-whatever, the rat-chef movie is tonight)

The Hangover= very funny. Some seriously classic lines in it. Completely inappropriate and in low taste, and thoroughly enjoyable. “I didn’t know you got a ring for the Holocaust”.

Avatar=gorgeous. Ignore the critics, go see it. It is visually stunning. Through most of the movie, it is difficult to believe that Pandora is a made up place and the forest and its inhabitants aren’t 100% real. Loved it. Go see it.

I guess that is all. I had considered going on the full moon hike tonight, but heavy cloud cover, and a dispiriting rain have convinced me that to sit next to the fire is a much better idea. Have a festive and safe New Years Eve. See you in 2010.

Pussy problems

My cat. Pussy-cat. Get it?

Earlier I was going to write about how bored I was. Bored, bored, bored. Then my cat climbed up on the bed, walked over me, pawed at the covers, and pissed on my bed. Pissed! On my bed!!

Instant irateness. Then I saw that the piss was pink-tinged. Uh-oh. Not good. There really isn’t ever a circumstances in which pink piss is good, right? I peed green one time, after eating about 15 cupcakes with violently green frosting. But I don’t think Kia was into the pink frosting today. Dang it.

I called the vet, and of course I missed regular office hours by a few minutes. Now it is after hours, so emergency rates apply. “Emergency rates” is a veterinary euphemism for really f**king expensive. I opted to bring her in the in morning. Then I got thinking about it. Bloody urine isn’t good. Is this one of those circumstances where, in hindsight, I’ll be kicking myself and saying “of course you should have ponied up the extra hunnert bucks to go to the vet right then!!! before the condition reached critical mass and she was beyond saving.”

I called the vet back and chatted with the front desk lady. Through a series of questions we agreed that it isn’t life threatening tonight, and I can bring her in in the morning. So. Poor Kia is confined to the bathroom for the evening. She has a very fluffy cushion, with two towels (which she loves to sleep on) and her heating pad, a litter box, food and water. Still solitary sucks. But so does having your cats using your carpet as a piss pad.

In other pussy news… in my earlier boredom, I watched the reality TV series that has the Kardashian family as it centerpoint. This episode centered around one of the sisters (the one whose face kind of resembles a sow, and just married the basketball guy) who slapped the other sisters boyfriend, and the mothers adding herbal Viagra to her husbands coffee, behind his back. After watching 20 minutes of this, I have to admit that I was tempted to slap the boyfriend too. But Sow-face goes to an anger management class and learns that violence isn’t an acceptable means of dealing with your feelings. Reeeeeaally?!? Who knew? Meanwhile, the herbal-Viagra spiked Dad tells his wife, who wants to play housewife-and-poolboy (ew), that he likes “dirty” (with a lecherous leer) when she says she wants to have a shower first, before they, ya know, do it. (double ew). Then the next day, mom is so pleased with the results of her drugging her husband that she does it again. But, oops! her teenaged son grabs the cup of coffee intended for her husband. Drinks the coffee, takes a nap, wakes up with wood. Which doesn’t go away and hurts, damn it. Eventually, he goes to the doctor, where all of his family congregates in the waiting room, including the concerned mom, who still doesn’t realize that she doped her son. (as an aside… why didn’t the camera person say something? it isn’t a joke to take any drug unknowingly, there could be serious repercussions) She catches a clue, goes in to talk to the doctor, and comes back out to the waiting room and ‘fesses up to putting a penis enhancing drug in her husbands coffee, which her son inadverdantly drank. Then they all laugh about it over dinner, complete with cucumbers peeking out of pants zippers. Triple eeewww!!!

I cannot believe that this train wreck is being paid money to show this stuff on the air. I would love to say that I cannot believe that the everyday person isn’t so vapid and stupid as to find this show entertaining. But then again, I never did find the exploitation of someone’s ignorance or ego entertaining. My mom loves watching American Idol tryouts. And I know a lot of people who do, and will be pissed about my opinion. It just seems so exploitive and demoralizing, and feel bad that the ones not chosen just had their dreams crushed on national TV. That doesn’t seem entertaining. It just seems mean.

My Christmas plans and a movie review

Normally, I drive to San Fran, and have Christmas dinner with my aunts and cousins, and their respective partners and children. Initially, i decided not to so it this year, for three reasons: 1) i am ashamed of my financial sitch and don’t want to deal with feeling like a loser chump, and 2) I didn’t want to make the drive, and 3) I left my mom alone last year for christmas, and felt like a bad child, and I don’t need to involve myself in things that contribute to me feeling bad.

As one tends to do this time of the year, people keep asking what are you doing for Christmas? Initially, I didn’t know, so was at a loss as to what to say. About 10 days ago, I figured it out. This is my plan:

1. Breakfast food all day. Bacon, corn cakes, one-egg omelettes, home-style potatoes. Mimosas with that yummy dole juice.

2.Pajamas.

3. Fireplace, unless it is just not cold enough to justify it.

4. Movies. I rented Terminator:Salvation and Wolverine. Two movies that I really wanted to see in the theater when they came out 6 months ago.

I bought my mom a pair of slippers for christmas, despite the fact that i said no presents this year. The house is present enough. Her feet are constantly in a state of near-freeze. When I got back form LA, she speculates that she was getting a crack on her heel. I checked it out that night and yessir, absolutely, she had an 1.5 inch crack that had gone deep enough to bleed. I check the other foot, and there is one there too, not quite as long, but it has bleed too. What I know from school is that it is caused by a combo of things: wearing open backed shoes, not using a heel file to exfoliate your feet, and not moisturizing. I hit the internet to pick up some more info. The main thing that I gleaned is that you have to keep the foot free of dead skin, you have to moisturize, and you have to keep the heel covered. If you do not do those three things, the cracks will not heal.

I had been toying with the idea of the thick wool slippers for myself for a while. Then I realized that they would be great for my mom. I just had to convince her of that. Sometimes that is the most difficult part of any endeavor with mom: convincing her that it is a good idea. I bought her a pair of off-brand Ugg boots. She couldn’t get her foot into them, too stiff, the boot and her foot. I returned those and got two other pair. One of them fit. Yippee!! At the end of the evening, she agreed that I was right (no small miracle), her feet were warm, she was even walking better. Fan-flippin’-tastic!!!

Yesterday I went to work for a little while, returned the slippers that I bought my mom and got different ones, drove back to Redding, went to Winco so I will have food for the next week or so, went to blockbuster and holiday markets (movies and good bacon) and went home. YIPPEE!!! Decided that I would put the cold stuff away, and then I was going to plop my ass down on the couch and watch the frakkin’ movie that I have been anticipating what seems like forever.

Popped in Termination:Salvation first. SPOILER ALERT. I love T1 & T2, l-o-v-e them. Never saw T3, it looked ridiculous, and based on the reviews, it was ridiculous. The latest one had potential, I thought. Intriguing idea, a human who is really a terminator, but doesn’t know that he is a terminator… definite potential. And speaking of potential, the actor who plays the hybrid is yummy. He has that kind of bulky, corn fed, smooth featured look, like russell crow in gladiator, that I like. (hey, I have no real men. I need some mental candy. Much much easier to deal with.)

Did I mention SPOILER ALERT? The movie is going along… not impressed so far. Then there is a scene where the hybrid and reese and star stop at a gas station in the middle of nowhere. I am pretty sure that it is supposed to be the same gas station that sarah conner stopped at, at the end of T1. They are inside a building with some other people when all of a sudden, a mechanical claw busts through the roof and grabs a lady. the camera pans back, the arm is attached to a machine the size of Godzilla. Really?? They didn’t feel that thing stomping through the desert towards them?

That was only the beginning. This movie sucked. Sucked big dimpled hairy ass. I really wanted to like it, but there was virtually nothing whatsoever to like about it. with the exception of the hybrid and the resistance chick to falls for him. And this totally pisses me off. The first two movies had a story. An actual plot, which revolved around characters. They did nothing to flash out any of the characters. It was all about the machines. And they didn’t really do much with the machines, either for that matter. T2 was much more effects driven, but still managed to have a great story, and spotlight the cool effects. This one just vomited out a bunch of hardware and painted backdrops and green screen work. Reviewers bitch and moan about the length of James Camerrons’ films, but at least he tells a great story, with characters that are fully fleshed out so you have some investment in the outcome.

They shamelessly ripped off entire scenes from T2, and dialog… shameful!!! Did the director intentionally film the final battle between the under-built-up T800 and worthington’s hybrid, as a mix up of Reese and Sarah in the warehouse at the end of T1, and T2’s excellent match-up of Arnie and the T1000 in the furnaces of hell? It even copied luring someone by mimicking their voice. It was astounding. I could have written a better script. Sarah Connor needs to come back from the grave and bitch slap everybody involved with getting that script greenlit for actual filming. I want my $5 back.

I am kind scared to watch Wolverine now. It was pretty badly written up in the reviews when it came out. But hey, Hugh Jackman has his shirt off a lot in it (yea!), so even if it sucks, I can mute it and enjoy the pictures, right? That is so sad…

What I want for new years

Time to start thinking about those New Years resolutions. I spend my commute thinking, these days. It is so nice to be able to commute, and use 90% o my brain for thinking, and 10% for paying attention to the road. In LA, it was the opposite. That’s one of the reasons that I didn’t talk on the phone while I was driving there. Totally totally distracting. And driving in LA is like a blood sport, so you really need to pay attention. Ironically, I move up here, it becomes illegal, and I do it all the time. Go figure.

Prior to the loan mod approval (trial peeriod), my thoughts were anxious, wondering waht in the hell I would do if I lost my house. Reviewing options, scenarios, trying like hell to figure out what to do, to make some decision. Now that I don’t have to worry about losing my house, my mind can wander to other things. Not that the money worries have disappeared, mind you, they are just less urgent. Juggling bills is a different level of worry than where will I live, you know?

Often, the thought process turns reflective, and I think back on the past 2 or 3 years. Or 10 years, depends. I wonder about decisions I made, I review them, think about what might have been if I had made a different decision. But that is fruitless. Second guessing yourself is pointless. It gives you a tummy ache, and doesn’t change a thing. I made the best decision I could, with the information that I had at the time. End of story.

One thing that I have realized on these trips down memory lane, is that I have spent the last two years reacting  to my circumstances. My life has become a reactive life, instead of a proactive life. One of the main points of moving up here was to be more proactive in my happiness, in how I live my life. To have a full, expansive existence. But over the past two years, I have shrunk down, into  myself. The exact opposite of what I wanted to accomplish.

So that is my resolution; to get back on track, to live a proactive life. It is so easy to forget to concentrate on your inner happiness, you inner peace, when you are wondering about your future. But for now, I don’t need to wonder. The house is safe, I am working (maybe not enough, but I am working), things are level. SO I need to take some of those energies and put them back on myself. I have this silly pilates machine that takes up half of the floor space in my bedroom, and other than to trip over it and get a spectacular bruise (which still aches, btw), I haven’t used.

Why is it that if I watch a workout video, my mind tells me that I have worked out? That’s not right.

I am heading off to LA tomorrow. Last trip of the year. January I get to fly to portland and visit a dear friend whom I haven’t seen in two years. Can’t wait for that. I am going to get on with my life. And enjoy it.

back to things that amuse me

I hadn’t really appreciated how geographical advertising is, until I moved to LA. Way more movie ads, way more music industry ads, and WAY more plastic surgery ads. I would listen to teh radio when I was working on glass, so for hours I would hear the ad cycle. And the same plastic surgery ads would play, over and over. Drove me nuts. La loves their plastic surgery. There is a wall up, at LAX, to cover construction mess, and painted on the wall it says “In LA, even the airport gets a facelift.” Hilarious, I laughed out loud when I saw it, much to the dismay of the other people on the bus.

Hunting is big up here. Like, massive. Camo is also big up here, and is actually worn for its intended purpose; to hide you in the woods. From the wily duck, turkey, deer and bear. People actually hunt bear up here. It boggles my mind. Anyway, there are many outdoorsy type stores, selling all kinds of outdoorsy stuff. Ads are everywhere; radio, TV, billboards, print. The whole geographic advertising thing was brought home this fall when I heard something on the radio that I had never heard before: gun store ads.

Talk about surreal. There is a store here called Olde West Gun & Loan (i swear it is true), and they have Christmas ads on the radio. “Bring your list and we can help you select the right firearm for everyone on it”. Personally, I would be very leery of anyone coming in with a list of folks to buy guns for. Can anyone say HomeGrown Militia? Firearms for home defense or hunting. In stock Leopold scopes (“the better to bring down that buck”) which are always mounted for free… this type is best for large game (bucks and bears), this other one is good for “varmints”…

I kid you not. Varmints. The ad says “… for hunting varmints, duck, deer and bear!” Now I don’t know much about guns, but it seems to me that something that will bring down a bear might not be the ideal thing to hunt small varmints. Just saying.

Christmas Cheer

Do I need this, or what?!?

Hot Damn! Break out the swimsuit.

FRICKIN cold.

Is 19 degrees cold, do  you think? that was 5:30. At 7am when I go out of bed, it was 21 degrees. When I went to work at 9:30 am, it was 28 degrees. That is freezing, kids.

So, at 9am, when I had to remove the old battery from my truck, and put in the new battery, it was 25.5 degrees (if you just do the math). (

As an aside… why are batteries so heavy? Really extraordinarily heavy. And it is so surprising when you (me) pick them up. it is like a loaf of bread made out of lead. oh. wait. batteries are made of lead, aren’t they? well… lead is heavy!)

Back to the topic at hand. When I left work at 4pm, it was 48 degrees. That was the high today. 48. degrees.

Tonight will be “warming up”, the forecasters say. Overnight temps should reach 30 degrees. Hot damn! Break out the swimsuit.

Thank God it is over.

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!

Finally. It is over. Got the word at 7:23 this morning that the loan modification has been approved.

After 6 months. Well, really, it took a year. I submitted the first application, which was denied, back in January. So I have been farting around with this for a year. I am not even sure how to behave without this thing looming over my head. I will have to think up a new waking mantra…

I am so delighted. Jimm Hayes in Freddie Mac’s Loss Mitigation Department 2nd Chance Review (how’s that for a title?), I cannot thank you enough. You will have my gratitude forever. I am indebted to you.

Chad Coulson, on the other hand, may you suffer the traditional fate of a captured enemy of the Apache’s (i’m pretty sure it was the apache’s, but it might have been the Comanche’s. no. no, i am pretty sure it was the Apache’s.) Which is not pleasant. Not really for the blog either. Let’s just say that the most pleasant aspect of it is the dying part. Harsh, I know, but this guy seriously and maliciously screwed me over. Not once, not twice, but several times. All because he thinks he’s a hotshot money-making machine for his employer. Turd.

(That word just cracked me up. That might be my new curse word.)

But back to the happy stuff. I am relieved, my mom is relieved, Bill-the-roommate is relieved. Kia and Jadzia and Manny are relieved. Ok, maybe not Manny, I think he is oblivious of what is going on.

Doesn’t it look like they stopped talking the moment I walked into the room?

I’m going to go be happy.

Happy blog

if i could figure out how to work the music link thingy, i would attach a theme song for this post, which is filled with birdsong, and gurgling water and the laughter of children. cuz all thoose things are happy things, and this is a happy blog.

too many bummer blogs lately. but no more!!!

the nightmare of losing my house is 90% over. I won’t go in to deets, but it has been an interesting couple of weeks. Anxiety levels; high. Ability to focus on anything that isn’t related directly to saving my house; low.

through the intervention of an LA Times reporter and maybe an email that i sent to freddie mac, my case came to the attention of one JH, a loss mitigation specialist with freddie mac. JH turned out to be my knight in shining armor. seriously. The reason I had been feeling like my lender was being a douchebag, is because, indeed, they were being a douchebag!!!

the biggest faux paux was that the were prohibited from proceeding with foreclosure (which reuslts i the auction), while I was being considered for the loan modification. That was the main offense. the other offense was that they conveniently didn’t give me the right instructions for filling out the application, and then proceeded to forget about the application. so it languished on some ass-wipes desk for weeks, then months.

And while it is awesome to not pay your mortgage for a few months, the stress that the whole situation causes is not worth the monetary gain. assuming you have the money to gain in the first place.

Anyway. So yesterday i looked up the website for auctions and located my house. the notice said tha the auction had been cancelled. yippee!!! whoo-hoooo!! fireworks, streamers and champagne, please.

Yesterday was a totally different day for me. i went out into the world and participated in christmas parking, christmas crowds, christmas ringing donation bells. all things that in the past have annoyed me. not yesterday!! they were a delight. I couldn’t stop smiling. i had some lady in target say “you sure look happy!”, and i am!! i breezed past the cookies and ice cream, not even the slightest urge to comfort myself with them.

i laughed a lot yesterday. i was talking to somebody on the phone and laughed. i heard my mom and my roommate comment on how nice it was to hear me laughing again. i cannot tell you how it is to feel like laughing away. and not in a on-the-way-to-the-guillotine fashion, but genuine belly deep laughter.

it is AWESOME!!! life is awesome, you are awesome, everything is awesome.

<awesome sigh>

Auction is cancelled!!

yeah!!! auction is cancelled. whoo-hoo!

Seeing as how the bastards were not supposed to foreclose, let alone go to auction, it is a great thing that they revoked it.

So now I need to continue to fight for the loan mod. I wonder how many more days this will take. I feel all strung out, like when I was buying this place. Hm. Maybe this is a poor idea too? I will channel Scarlett O’Hara and say “I will think of that tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day…” Queue beautiful sunset, soaring music, and me riding off to the next battle.

Maybe I need this guys help: