shoe spam

today there were 26 spam comments on the blog here. all of them having to do with shoes. shoe spam. wtf?

LOL!!! the internet is so entertaining

Just for grins, after I posted the last post, I did a Google search for hot viking guy. A lot of random and weird stuff came up. Like this:

and apparently Vikings do exist, and they get craft service, too:

and then there was this.

Men with long hair on tumblr. thats what the site is called. sigh.

mis-cast

I have become a big fan of audiobooks. They are the absolute bomb. I was turned onto them by a friend, maybe 4 years ago, when I was doing the Redding-Sebastopol commute. The round trip was 8 hours. I was tired of my same-ole music. The local used book store had a $2 books on cassette sale. There were a couple titles I was interested in, so I bought them. One of them, Into Thin Ice was a book I had read and loved. So, i thought the tape would be good. It was read by the author, and he did a very very good job. I say that because that isn’t always the case,a nd the narrator makes all te difference in the world.

Fast forward 4 years, and I have joined Audible.com. My morning DJ’s retired, the local talent is pathetic, and I needed soemthign to cushion my commute. For years a freind has been telling me to read the Sookie Stackhouse vampire books. No thank you, was always my response, not into vampires. With the monstrous Twilight craze, and the millions of supernatural-creature bandwagon jumpers, I was completely turned off. I instinctively shy away from the popular choice. I like underdogs and the unknown.

Desperate for some decent work, though, I decided to give one a try. Audible allows you to return a book if you really don’t like it. cool right? Downloaded Dead Until Dark, book 1 in the series.

it is fantastic. Good story, original, interesting premise, the characters are engaging, and the bad guy is random enough that I didn’t guess the who-dunit part. The narrator is exceptional, she really makes the books come alive.

The books ahve sparked an HBO series, True Blood. I watched a couple episodes before I began the books. OK. For the most part, the casting seems pretty on target. I only watched maybe 4 episodes before stopping and starting the books. Periodically, i look online to see who they have cast as a character, just to satisfy my curiosity. The character of Eric Northman is a larger than life character, and they make a big deal, in the books, about his gorgeousness and how huge he is, being a viking and all. so I looked him up. This is the guy that was cast:

really? ew. Just my opinion of course, but does this guy look like a viking to you? They do a little better with the poster for fangtasia, from the neck down at least.

I knew who played Alcide, a hunky werewolf who shows up in book 3, I think, and he is smokin’ hot and very wolf-like so I had no problem with him, Joe Manganiello. Delicious.

And then there is Quinn, a were-tiger (yep), who is written as a huge, bald, very imposing figure. but he hasn’t been cast yet.

Sookie gets all the cool guys. lol.

from maudlin to comedy in 24 hrs

I’m convinced that she is a pathological liar. or perhaps it is compulsive liar. i’ll have to look that up. someday.

at the end of last week I decided to give my relatively new masseuse the heave-ho. Our work ethics do not match, i.e. i have one. the main problem is that she is a drama magnet. Or appears to  be. it could all be lies.

she worked her first day on June 5th. today is august 5th. two months, plus the weeks notice I gave her. during that time, her car broke down 3 or 4 times, and needed $1k, $2500 or $3k of repairs, depending on the version. Her youngest ran away, for a day. Her youngest had a severe asthma attack and had to be rushed to the emergency. she and her girlfriend were fighting, then they were going to take a break, then the predictable re-commitment, and, finally, the all-too-inevitable break up/ move out scenario.

now all of this is going on, her attendance is very spotty. if she showed up half of the days she was scheduled for, i’d be surprised. she never quite managed to pay her rent on time. she fails to return phone calls or texts inquuiring as to whether she is available to do a massage. My clients are calling me to see if she still works at the spa, because she “suddenly” ceased an ongoing text/call, or never returned an inquiry.

at one point she had to miss work to go to stockton to help her oldest move out of her appt. it took all day because they couldn’t leave the car alone because it would get robbed. and the apartment was on the 4th floor. and it was all gated with prison types locked that they have to get buzzed thru after punching in a code. (when she told me this story, i looked at her and said “really?!?” with no small amount of skepticism. she replied, “oh, yeah. And we had to have a knife that was like 10″ long, one of those fish knives…” God’s tonsils, are you frikkin’ serious?)

she also had managed to not do a single thing she had said she was going to do, or had offered to do. not. a single. one.

at one point i was invited to go camping to the coast, and at the same time attend a roller derby match she had. Fri/Sat/Sun, match was sat night. just camp out on the beach in tents. this was when her love-life was all hunky-dory. that didn’t happen because they got in a huge fight and broke up (first or second, not sure), the other friend had poison oak. (on her privates, she shared with me). christ. typing this all out it really is a screen play.

then there was the pervy caller who turned out to be a sweet old man. and the way she related the texts, it did sound like the guy wanted a rub n tug. but he didn’t. he was a tiny old man who i could have knocked down with a quick shove. he had two hip replacements and just needed a massage because everything hurt less and moved better after. that left her sobbing inconsolably for like an hour…

by now, i am mentally smacking my forehead any time I have any contact with her, in the flesh or via texts.

she shows up for one massage, on weds? and i don’t see her for the rest of the week. I text her the following tuesday to see if she is coming in. nothing. then a long exhaustive text about her oldest being rushed to the hospital, with colitis, and is on IV fluids, and she had a reaction to the fluids, and they don’t know what the problem is… she might be released on thursday, so she doesn’t know if she can make it in. OH!!!!part of this text was to ask me if i knew who her appt was for that day? she didn’t have her book… couldn’t remember the name… blah blah blah….someone might show up and she just wanted to let me know, so I wasn’t upset.

the next day that client, who is one of my regulars, asks what the hell? she texted the masseuse in the am with her name and number to ask what time her appt was (the masseuse doesn’t have appt cards, nor does she do reminder calls. bonehead.) anyway, here was the flat-out proof I needed that she was lying to me. she was texting me from her phone, so I knew she had it. the missing client had texted her at 6:30 am with her contact info. ergo: the bitch was lying.

so, now I am done. I can wash my hands of the situation and not feel like a heel.

the masseuse ends up coming in on weds for two massages. in between, she makes a disparaging remark about me to a young lady that comes in and does nails when i need her. this young lady of course relays it to me. the masseuse leave while i am in with a client. i text her to say “are you coming back?” its  1pm. no response til late. and then its a comment about how upset i am with her. so she turns it around, trying to put me on the defensive. i refuse to engage. I texted that we needed to have a meeting. she said she would be in the next day, and we could talk then. She never came in, didn’t answer texts.

after not hearing from her for two days, she texted that she could meet me on monday evening. it took her another day confirm the time. and of course, at the appointed time, she was a no-show. i texted her, said “are you ready to meet?” and she said her car was being smoged and it was supposed to be done, and of course, because it was her life, it wasn’t. I said ok, let me know when you are done. she offered to get a bottle of wine and just come over. but i was not interested in that.

so, one hour later, i called her and fired her via voicemail. tacky? mmmm, perhaps. but it needed to be done, ad she forced my hand.

a few hours later, she called. I was on the phone and didn’t click over, so she went to voicemail. the voicemail is what has prompted this entire novel. oh my frikkin god, it is so unbelievable that i could listen to the entire thing, lol. i will have to of course, before i finish, but OMG!!

she said: she felt it was going that way. she interviewed at a doctors office and got the job. it was tues and thursdays. ( i had overheard her telling a client this last week. not enough to know exactly what was up but enough to know something was). then in the next breath she says, i haven’t seen my mom in 7 years, and she is here. she is terminally ill, and won’t make another trip up here. then she says, last week my son (i didn’t even know she had a son…) tried to commit suicide… and that is when i said:

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!!! and stopped listening. i mean, seriously, whichever way you have it, the most calamitous wench, or the most lying-est wench, i really didn’t want her around. i suppose i need to listen to the rest. christ. ok. here i go.

ok, no more disasters. just the lovefest stuff, so that’s good. but really, how crazy is that???? this is one person, 8 weeks. nuts!!!

some sort of defect

I wonder if there is some sort of defect in myself that I cannot see. some “thing” that drives people away from me, or makes me rrepugnant to others. On a normal day, I have a pretty good opinion of myself. I am funny, I am easy-going, I am passionate, I am creative, independent, loyal, loving, strong… I think I’m a good person. I’m not fake, and until you fuck me over, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt.

so WTF world? why in the hell can i not make any friends. Why do the friends that I have fade away? why do I not matter to a single person in this whole fucking world?

the art of telling someone you don’t want to work with them anymore

I have to tell a booth renter that I am terminating her contract. And I have to figure out the best way to say it. her ego is fragile, and almost anything I say will be taken as an attack on her person. i have worked with her long enough to realize this.

I can’t tell her that her communication skills are sub-par. I have had a few clients mention that she dropped communication with them, in the middle of trying to set an appointment, or in the matter of her not being able to keep an appointment. and just never picked it back up. and that is not acceptable.

i cannot tell her that her focus and drive is lacking. she thinks about how to get new clients, talks about wanting new clients, constantly. but she rarely actually acquires new flesh and blood clients. partially because she has poor communication skills.

she spends no extra time at the salon, waiting for walk ins. she has produced no signage to put out front indicating that walk-in massages are available. she took a bunch of my postcards and wrote on them, in red felt pen, an offer for massage. they looked like a 5-year-old did them. they looked horrible. she brought in 10 business cards, about 6 weeks ago, and nothing since. I gave her a list of ladies in town, other business-women or -owners, to whom it would be a sound marketing tactic to offer a drastically reduced, or free, service to. no action on it. I mean, christ, i gave her the name of the nail tech next door who wants a massage and sent me 6 tattoo clients in order to receive  her eyeliner tattooed for free. and she still refers people to me constantly. constantly. but no contact from the masseuse.

i cannot tell her that her follow thru is for shit. she talks a good game, I’ll do this and I’ll do that and I wanna do such-and-such, but she never actually does it.

i cannot tell her that her room looks like a rummage sale. everything in there was purchased from thrift stores. not that there is anything wrong with it. But my spa has a theme. and it looks super cute. not like I picked up random shit from a yard sale.

I cannot tell her that she is a chaos magnet. That there is daily drama in her life. and not the break-a-nail type drama, but major drama. Car breaks down drama, huge fight with her girlfriend drama, break up with her girlfriend drama, my-child-is-deathly-ill drama, move out of her girlfriends house drama, derby team drama, i crashed at practice and might have fractured my tailbone drama…. week before last it was “i just spent the last 4 nights with my oldest in the hospital. she has colitis….” and then about 75 lines of text detailing IV drama, dehydration drama and pooping drama. drama.

and i have to remind her to pay her rent. at one point she was two weeks in arrears. that is no good.

in my original advert, i asked for a few specific things: someone committed to growing their business, someone who was professional in dress and manner, someone who was able to communicate clearly and quickly, and someone who kept the drama at a minimum. she is the antithesis of these things.

it’s too bad, really. she is an excellent masseuse. at this point though that is the only positive thing i can say. and we have reached the point where I am annoyed and cynical. this is not an attitude i would like to maintain.

oh, and lastly, it is a spa. it is mellow and relaxing, and quiet. we use our inside voices. but not her. she is loud, loud, loud. she talks fast, and constantly. and she is a heavy walker. when she comes out of her room, into the kitchen, it is like a herd of elephants. on weds a facial client made a comment about her stomping down the hall. I have also caught her in a couple lies. oh, and on Tuesday she made deprecatory comments about me to my other worker. purely to start shit.

i have to figure out a way to put the onus on myself. perhaps it is just that I want to work alone. i don’t think that is it, honestly. I just want someone who is my equal. and she is not that person. joy.